notes to myself as a future housewife

It’s ok not to talk to strangers.

One day you might own static remover spray. This is not acceptable carry-on luggage, so check your bag before you have a temper tantrum.

Do not go to the “self help” section of a bookstore. That is what the Internet is for.

I am not good at singing. Age and experience will never fix that.

Don’t tell my teenager what is “in” as if I am aware and she isn’t.

Lots of makeup will not hide me. It will draw more attention to me.

Aging would be a lot more bearable if I don’t mention it everyday.

Don’t move to the valley. Summer in the valley and hot flashes don’t mesh well.

Don’t put the cable box in the back of some obscure closet. I’ll probably have to restart it once a week because I’ll press the wrong button.

Dying my hair blonde won’t make me more fun. My personality is still a cock block.